


Kenopsia

by arabybizarre, OBFrankenfics



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Amusement Parks, F/F, Regular Girlfriends AU, Romance for the sake of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arabybizarre/pseuds/arabybizarre, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OBFrankenfics/pseuds/OBFrankenfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a trip home to meet her parents, Cosima takes Delphine to her favorite place as a child–an amusement park that’s long since been abandoned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kenopsia

_**Kenopsia** : The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet._

* * *

 

“Cosima… I think maybe we should go now.”

She hesitated for only a moment, glancing back at the look of wariness upon Delphine’s face, and chuckled. Balancing upon a crumbling stone wall—the perimeter of what had once been a large fountain, but was now just a concrete hole in the ground—she turned around to shine her flashlight in the blonde’s face.  Walking just quickly enough to be considered incautious, she grinned.

Delphine shook her head. “I’m serious,” she hissed, gasping slightly when Cosima stumbled, just barely catching herself before she fell. “If you won’t be careful,” she huffed, sprinting forward to pull the woman down by her jacket sleeve, “then you’re getting down.”

“Fine.” Cosima acquiesced easily, wearing a self-satisfied smirk. Kissing Delphine on the cheek, she said, “Still not leaving though.”

The blonde sighed. Growing up, she’d never cared much for amusement parks. For the most part, rides were unenjoyable to her, and she found the sights and sounds overwhelming. Unsurprisingly, she’d been less than thrilled when Cosima had cajoled her into breaking into an _abandoned_ amusement park.

Granted, the brunette’s intentions were innocent. She’d brought Delphine home to meet her parents only a few days prior, and had been elated to show the blonde all of her childhood haunts. The amusement park had been one of her favorites. The fact that it had been closed for nearly three years hadn’t seemed to deter Cosima at all.

“Look,” the brunette shouted, waving the flashlight erratically. Delphine ignored the direction of the light, instead watching as the frustrating impishness she’d worn previously transformed into childlike excitement. In the span of a single instance, all of her thirty years fell away, her joy laid bare as the trees lining the walkway. In spite of herself, the blonde smiled.

Tearing her gaze from her girlfriend’s face, she followed her to the carousel some forty yards away.

“It’s exactly as I remember it,” Cosima said, facing her. In the crisp November air, her breath had begun to fog, meeting Delphine’s mouth in a soft plume. She shivered, Cosima’s brow furrowing. “Are you cold?”

“A little.”

“Here.” Delphine didn’t try to protest as Cosima removed her jacket, draping it over her shoulders. “This is my warmest sweater,” she said, predicting the blonde’s next comment. “I’ll be fine.”

“Merci.”

Cosima smiled, showing her teeth. The expression radiated heat. “C’mon,” she said, gripping Delphine’s hand. “Let’s take a closer look.”

Aside from her persistent worry that some security guard or disgruntled property owner would come roaring from the shadows at any moment, threatening to call the authorities, Delphine felt somewhat unsettled by the overall atmosphere of the park. In the three years since it had last been open, it had been completely overrun by flora. Several of the structures had been picked apart, looted or otherwise vandalized by careless opportunists. She couldn’t look anywhere without seeing crudely painted graffiti. Yet amongst this ruin, Cosima still shone brightly with glee.

“Come with me.” Without delay, the brunette began climbing over the carousel gate. She hopped onto the platform effortlessly, so transfixed upon the sight before her that she didn’t even stop to offer a helping hand to her girlfriend, who floundered slightly, her jeans catching on a dulled spike. “Wow,” Cosima muttered.

Her pace slowed as she walked around the carousel, studying the wooden menagerie closely. In addition to horses; tigers, giraffes, reindeer, and even pigs stood along the platform. All were frozen mid-gallop, mouths hanging open. At one time, Delphine was certain they must have looked majestic; now, however, they appeared eerily decrepit. Some had been lifted from their poles altogether, while others had begun to decay. She passed one horse who was missing a marbled eye, half of its face sunken in, the wood splintered. Inside its eye-socket, a spider’s web glimmered with beaded dew.

“Here!” Delphine startled at Cosima’s exclamation. A moment later, her feet echoed across the carpeted platform. “Come, look,” she beckoned, waving her over. As the blonde followed, rounding the center column, she saw Cosima running her hand over the back of a small elephant, its head thrown back, trunk curled atop its forehead. Though one of its tusks had broken off at the end, the animal was almost entirely intact. “This one was my favorite,” she said, beaming.

“Why the elephant?”

“Because there was only one,” Cosima told her. A moment later, she climbed onto its back. “Which one do you like the best?”

Delphine glanced around, settling on the reindeer next to the brunette’s elephant. “I think I just like whichever one is closest to yours.”

Cosima shook her head. “You’re no fun.” There was fondness in her voice. For several moments they sat in silence, Delphine’s eyes darting about the perimeter constantly, while the other woman rested her cheek against the pole, watching her. “I get the feeling you’re not a fan of amusement parks.”

Delphine shrugged, meeting her gaze. “Perhaps I just prefer to visit them lawfully.” Cosima snorted. “I suppose you’re right about that though.”

“Really?”

“You know I’m prone to motion sickness. I couldn’t stomach the rides.”

“Not even the carousel?”

“Non.” At Cosima’s skeptical look, she insisted, “I’m serious. It’s the concentric motions that make me sickest.”

“But it’s so slow.”

“I have a weak stomach.”

Cosima laughed. “Jesus. You would _not_ have liked me as a kid.” Delphine laughed, too. “I used to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl a dozen times in a row. I absolutely loved it.”

The blonde cringed. “You’re right. You would have driven me crazy.”  


“Were there any rides you liked? Ferris Wheel?”

“I was afraid of heights.”

“Bumper cars?”

“I wasn’t a fan of the whiplash.”

“I’m assuming you weren’t big on roller coasters then either.”

“ _Non_ ,” she answered. Delphine watched as Cosima’s brow furrowed in thought. After a moment, her eyes widened, a smile crawling across her face.

“Got it,” she said, jumping down form her elephant.

“What is it?”

“Just follow me,” she said, voice brimming with confidence. Delphine felt somewhat doubtful, but could never deny the woman’s hand when offered to her. She allowed Cosima to lead her through the park, hopping over downed trashcans, leaves crunching beneath their feet. They were quiet for several moments before rounding a corner to find a large, blue building looming ahead. The structure would have appeared rather unspectacular if not for the _awful_ clown painted over the entrance.

Delphine’s brows rose. “I also hated clowns,” she warned. “Still do.”

Cosima shook her head, hand waving in tandem. “It’s just a regular funhouse, Delphine. No clowns inside. I promise.”

“How can you be sure? You said yourself it’s been nearly fifteen years since you last visited.”

Cosima stopped suddenly, an oddly serious look in her eyes. “Just trust me. You’re safe, okay?”

After a moment, Delphine nodded. “Okay.”

“And I swear, if I see one clown in there, I will totally, like, kick its face in.”

“Okay,” Delphine chuckled, eliciting a smile. Cosima squeezed her hand.

The front doors had been padlocked at one point, but some other trespassers must have had similar plans. The lock hung uselessly from the hasp loop.

“Well, that’s convenient,” Cosima said, setting the broken lock on the ground. Carefully, she opened the door, kicking aside a pile of debris littered in the entrance.

While the walls had been saved from graffiti, the funhouse had clearly hosted at least one party since its closing. Empty cups, cans, and fast food bags were scattered across the hardwood floors. As Cosima’s flashlight scanned the room, Delphine spotted what she thought to be a used condom in the corner.

“Cosima,” she started, unsure of how to phrase her reluctance delicately. “It’s kind of… dirty in here.”

“No…” Cosima’s voice trailed off. “This was, like, my favorite place in the whole park when I was little.” Turning to Delphine, she said, “Aside from the trash, it’s not so bad.”

_Aside from the trash,_ Delphine thought, thoroughly unconvinced. She could only sigh. “If you say so…”

The funhouse was split into several rooms, each with a different obstacle. At one time, the second room they entered had been entirely glow in the dark, but now appeared woefully dull—a bad paint job. Another contained a large tunnel, the “barrel of fun,” Cosima explained, which while open, would rotate as patrons attempted to walk through. They encountered floors that rolled, stairs that shook, and a hall of shattered mirrors. Amongst the refuse in each were the vestiges of a forlorn childhood: deflated balloons; bug infested candy wrappers; a stuffed monkey, sopping wet in a puddle, one of its arms missing.

Cosima was unusually quiet as they navigated through the building, taking in the scenery without her typical commentary. Delphine wanted to say something to fill the space, but she was at a loss—out of place, shivering. After several minutes, they ascended into one last room, the center of which was a giant wooden slide. They’d entered at the top, and would exit at the bottom.

Cosima stared out over the entire room, her flashlight sweeping across the expanse. To Delphine’s surprise, she plopped down on the floor, sitting cross-legged at the top of the slide. Somewhat sheepishly, she said, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Delphine, slightly more concerned for the dust on the floor, sat down carefully beside her.

Cosima frowned. “This was stupid.”

“Why would you say that?” When Cosima looked away, Delphine gently grabbed her forearm. “You were so excited earlier. It’s not stupid.”

“I was excited,” she admitted. “I wanted to show you everything—everything about home. And I thought it would be cool to come here, since this was, like, my favorite place ever when I was a kid.”

“And?” Delphine nudged her to continue.

Cosima shrugged. “But you’re right, it’s been fifteen years.” She made to stand up suddenly, but the blonde grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down.

“Wait.” She searched Cosima’s face, unsure of what to make of the expression she wore—somewhat wistful, somewhat sad. “ _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have complained so much.”

“No, it’s not _your_ fault—”

“It’s nobody’s fault. Nothing is wrong. You shared something really nice with me. Something special.” She paused then. They’d spent many nights lying awake, sharing childhood memories with each other—and many times they had said things like, _“I wish I could have known you as a kid,”_ or _“I wish I could see what that’s like.”_ And while neither could turn back time, here, Cosima was sharing with her a physical piece of her history. “It means a lot to me that you would do that.”

The brunette turned to her finally. “Really?”

“Yes,” Delphine nodded.

Half a smile formed on Cosima’s lips before she turned away again. “I imagined this might be more romantic. Instead… it’s just kind of dirty.”

“You didn’t know it would look like this.”

“No,” Cosima sighed. She paused for a moment, staring pensively down the slide.

“Did you enjoy the slide, too? Or were you too much of a daredevil for that,” Delphine teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Yes,” Cosima was quick to answer. “I loved this actually. _This_ , especially. It used to crack me up—I have no idea why.” She snorted slightly. “I’d slide down so many times I’d end up with brush-burns.”

“That was more my speed, you know. Minus the brush-burns.” Delphine rested her chin on Cosima’s shoulder. “We could have been slide buddies.”

“Maybe,” the brunette said, turning to plant a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead. “It’s weird to think about—how it was then—and to see it now—just, like, falling apart.” Delphine nodded. “And like, I look around and I can see sort of what it was, maybe just under the dust. And it’s dead silent, but I can hear all the sounds, too. All the other kids running and shrieking, a bunch of little feet pounding on the hardwood. The carousel organ. The circus music.” She chuckled suddenly. “And my parents shouting, _‘Cosima, wait!’ ‘Cosima, don’t!’—_ ”

Delphine’s laughter echoed through the room. “You have no idea how easy it is for me to imagine that.”

“You scream those things, too, sometimes. But then other times you scream things like, _‘Cosima,_ don’t stop, _for the love of’_ —” Delphine pinched her side. “Ow!”

“Brat.”

“It’s true.” Her chuckles petered out slowly. When she turned to the blonde again, her nose was wrinkled in thought. “What I mean though, is that… I knew it would be different, after so much time. But I also expected to see that place I loved, the way I loved it _then_. And that all those years, they’d only be a shadow under it.” She paused. “It’s really the other way around though.”

“You just see the dust?”

“Yeah,” Cosima nodded. “It’s kind of… I don’t know. A little scary. Don’t you think?”

“Do you mean—getting older?”

“Not exactly. Just… the idea that something you loved so much could change—to the point that it would become unrecognizable. Naturally.” She gestured towards the state of collapse the room was in. “That’s just time, you know.”

Delphine hummed, deep in thought—a look that Cosima knew well. She waited. Finally, the blonde said, “It’s true, every place will fall apart over time. And every object, too. Because we love these things, but they cannot love us back.” She lifted her head, meeting the brunette’s gaze with surety, a warmth of her very own. “With people, it’s different. When we love, we say, ‘I will change, but I will not change the room that I keep for you.’ We can adapt. We will become different, but we will conform to the things that we care about. That is a choice that we make.”

Cosima’s hands had grown cold. Delphine grabbed them, held them between her own, warming them. “Maybe this place will disappear. Or the house that you grew up in.” She paused, smiling wistfully. “Or, say… the library, where we first met. Or our apartment. But that’s okay,” she said quietly, certainly. “I will move with you. And I hope you’ll move with me, too.”

Cosima didn’t respond. Instead, she learned forward, capturing Delphine’s lips with her own. It was a kiss with hunger, but not desperation—a kiss that _knew_ it would be fed, that could count on never going hungry. Suddenly, the brunette pulled away, leaving Delphine to watch after her in curiosity. She stood, and promptly sat down behind the blonde, pulling her in between her legs.

“What are you doing,” Delphine asked, amused. Cosima’s arms wrapped tightly around her middle. She could feel the woman’s smile against her ear when she next spoke.

“You want me to move with you?” She edged forward slightly, pushing her girlfriend along with her. “Then let’s move. _Slide buddy._ ”

Delphine laughed as they slid towards the exit, a cloud of dust roused in their wake. As they finally stepped foot out the door, it had yet to settle, suspended, just as Cosima would remember it.

 

 


End file.
